10/08/2020

Why can't I sleep ?

This post has no informational content and is just me sharing my thoughts and opinions.

I've had countless nights where, no matter what I do I just can't fall asleep. I've tried light music, meditation, no music, working out, banging my head on the wall.

Okay, I might not have tried working out but point being, I've tried a lot of "sleep hacks" out there to know that nothing actually works when my brain isn't tired. Problem is, I don't know how to get it to be tired enough to fall asleep instantly. I don't mind sleeping at random times during the day but then, it hinders my personal projects. Since, I have a dedicated time in the evening after office where I spend time thinking/learning/building.

You know there's this "hack" online which says, the temperature of the room to the temerature of the body plays a role in you sleeping. I'd believe that but then it didn't work for me so I'm going to discard that.

Insomnia ?

Nah, I don't think so but, it might be. I mean, I've had days I've slept for more than 12 hours and days where even 2 is a hard task. The brain runs wild on these days is all that I've observed and it seems to be a problem with a lot of people.

No, I don't have my phone on my eyes while I'm trying to sleep. Its just there beside my pillow connected to a charger playing the music that I normally listen while trying to sleep.

I guess the thoughts I have while trying to sleep need to be controlled for me to actually fall asleep but that isn't always a conscious thing and at some point I do loose control. Can't medidate for hours together waiting for the body to finally give up. Even if the body does give up, the mind doesn't.

My biggest problem, it forces me into thinking about things I want to forget. Things I'd like to delete from my memory but nope! not going to let that happen. You know why? Cause someday, someone might want to know how I tried to copy my swimming coach's underwater swimming and almost drowned. Imagine a kid who just joined swimming trying to overdo his coach.

I did manage to learn underwater swimming quite quickly though... Anyway. I don't understand why it's hard for me to sleep when there's days when I can literally drop on the bed and instantly fall asleep.

I guess I'll have to observe a lot more to figure that out. As for now, I'm writing this at 5 in the morning with 0 sleep last night and I should probably just lay down for a few hours so I can at least stay up during the office hours.

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